Isolation

I'm generally a get on with it type of person.  When life gets hard or busy I just put my head down and power through.  It's a defense mechanism I suppose, my way of coping when I don't want to have to deal with emotions because if you are busy doing then you don't have time to stop and feel.  This week I've been having a bad week.  A sad week.  A week where it all seems too much to power through, where I don't have the inner resources to just keep going and get on with things. 

Nothing in particular caused it, probably more likely to be a build up of stress that needs to be vented somehow.  Being in a really bad mood is usually my go to method of venting, or crying in the shower when time permits.  I think what's getting me down is the isolation.  It's bloody lonely living on the other side of the world from everyone you know and love.  I'm still struggling to make real connections here.  I have lots of acquaintances, even one budding friendship but this week I feel very alone.  There hasn't been much in the way of communication at home this week - from both sides, I haven't exactly been talkative, it's hard to make conversation when you are just about holding it together, so that has been adding to the sense of isolation and having no-one to talk to.  

There is a line in the film Brooklyn about homesickness being just like any other form of sickness.  You have it for a while and then it moves on to someone else.  This week everything just felt so hard, I feel so far away from everything and everyone.  I'm sure it will pass but right now, I feel like I could leave in the morning without a backward glance.  I don't feel connected to this place.  I don't know that I ever will.