Exhale

That moment when you walk into your empty house after 4 days of house guests....

A splash of colour

The weather has been wet, grey and relentless lately. I was in need of a pick me up.  I was also in need of some indigestion relief so I went to the chemist.  Having some child free time is a rare occurrence so I made the most of it with a bit of a browse on the way to the counter.  Funny how you can pick up 4 things that you didn't go in for (and possibly don't really need) while pottering around aimlessly. 

I'm not much of a lippy girl so the lipstick index doesn't really apply to me but I am rarely without a splash of colour on my toes so off to the nail varnish section I skipped.  In a sea of nude shades and summer pastels, this jumped out at me. 

 

Then I saw the name.  Feeling like it wasn't appropriate to cackle with laughter whilst standing alone in a pharmacy (who knows, they could have the power of automatic committal and an itchy trigger finger), I contented myself with a silent smirk.  Looking forward to cracking this open and brightening up my toes this weekend. 

 

Fashion Flashback

I just had a flashback to my youth and not in a good way.  Anyone who was of going out age in the nineties will remember with a shudder the phenomenon that was the body suit.  These oversized babygro tops never seemed to be long enough, resulting in a night spent trying to subtly adjust the crotch area so it didn't feel like you were being cut in two.  As for going to the loo, after a few drinks, trying to get the poppers done up in the right configuration was the equivalent of a challenge on the Krypton Factor.  By the end of the night, all attempts at joining the poppers together were abandoned and a tuck it in and just hope for the best attitude abounded.

Well apparently they're back!  I rarely venture out to the shops here, mostly because there are no decent shops where I live but every so often I think "maybe it's gotten better, maybe there might actually be something I could wear in there.  I'll never know if I don't go in and have a look".  So in I went and what greeted me was this.....

 Seriously???  These were bad enough the first time round, why would someone think it was a good idea to make them again?  So once again, I returned from the shops empty handed muttering "knew I shouldn't have bothered....".  The only saving grace is that H&M is opening in Auckland in October.  It's been a year and seven months since I last got to avail of some decent shopping so I'm expecting to do some serious damage!!!

Humpy

A couple of days ago I was in an irrationally bad mood.  There was no obvious reason for it so I ran through the usual checklist - nope, not hungry, fully caffeinated, have been for a wee, kids are not driving me mad, work was ok.  So why was I in such a foul humour?  Then it dawned on me - I was too hot.  Alas not in the sexy and I know it sense, more on the ever so slightly sweaty side.  Dear God no, it couldn't be the menopause already, I'm far too young and definitely not ready for beige elasticated waist trousers.

Then I looked at where I was standing - at the sink up to my elbows in hot water, right beside the oven which had been on for at least an hour in a north facing room (southern hemisphere equivalent of south facing at home), made up of mostly of windows on a sunny day.  Crisis averted! 

It did made me think that there should be a handy word for describing when you are hot and grumpy, like how hungry and angry make hangry but all I could come up with was humpy (hot and grumpy) which to my mind doesn't really convey the emotion I'm trying to express and makes me think of camels and hunchbacks rather than an overheated woman in a too hot kitchen.   

Things Mothers know

• How to reassemble a transformer back into a car, while in a car on a bendy road, in the dark.
• What "that thing over there" is.
• That a pain in your tummy or unexplained general grumpiness can be solved by going to the toilet.
• The plot to way too many random kids movies.
• The answer to every question your child can think of (or so they seem to think).
• Allowing your children to pick out their own clothes unsupervised can lead to some "interesting" fashion choices (did you get dressed in the dark?) but hey, they have clothes on and sometimes winning that battle is enough for one day.
• Shoveling Weetabix into a child who has come home from a birthday party three parts exhausted, one part wired, with no interest in dinner/listening/not turning into a well fed gremlin, may just be the sugar antidote that pulls them back from the "I'm so tired I can't even cope with being upright" edge they are so perilously close to tipping over.
• Distraction and bribery may not be mentioned much in parenting books but like the best kept dirty little secrets, everyone's had a go in times of desperation.
• Everyone gets a turn to be the mum with the great hair and the stylish outfit and the really well behaved, polite children but today is not your day and tomorrow's not looking likely either.

For the definitive list of things Mothers know, check out Isn't it well for ye? the book of Irish Mammies.  You'll crack up laughing till the day you hear yourself saying one of these gems and you realise you have turned into your Mam and your Granny and probably her Granny before her.  Don't worry though, sure isn't there great drying out? 

A good laugh and a long sleep

Well this week I have had two good laughs.  Earlier in the week I inadvertently scared the bejesus out of my husband, resulting in an increased heart beat for him and a laughing fit which went on for a good five minutes for me (you know the ones where you laugh so much that you cry and every time you attempt to stop, another wave of hysterical laughter hits you).  Then last night I went to see Bad Moms and again laughed till I cried.  I am seriously going to have to invest in some waterproof mascara if this keeps up!

Now if only I could manage the long sleep part, I would be all set.