December Book Review

The fault in our stars - John Green
I put this on my to read list so long ago that I had no idea what it was about by the time I picked it up in the library.  It was in the teen/young adult section which made me a) wary and b) question why I would have put it on my to read list.  Anyway it wasn't all teenage angst and "like" being every second word.  Not that I am one to talk.  I have been known to use an excessive number of likes on occasion, but I digress.  When I finished the book and looked back on the sad demise of one of the characters, it struck me that I hadn't been particularly affected by it, which made me wonder if I have become particularly heartless in my old age.  I think it was more that it seemed inevitable and having been braced for someone to die, it wasn't as huge a shock when someone did.  It was an easy enough read, didn't grab me enough for me to recommend it but I didn't dislike it either.

The casual vacancy - J.K Rowling
I have not read the Harry Potter books, partly because I am a grown up and partly because I have no interest in wizards/magic themed books.  I picked this up on a whim in my local bookshop figuring there must be some talent involved in writing such popular books.  I found it quite descriptive which I am not a huge fan of and the pace could have been a bit quicker for my liking.  That said, there were enough juicy little breadcrumbs dropped to keep me interested and wanting to finish it.  If I were to consider reading another of her books it would need to be a lot shorter with a livelier pace. 

Making it up as I go along - Marian Keyes
I love Marian Keyes.  She could write the phone book and I would still read it, she can do no wrong in my eyes.  I hear her voice when I read her books and though I have never met her, I feel like I know her.  Particularly so with this book as it is a series of articles and posts rather than a story.  Looking forward to her next book whenever it comes along. 

 

Start the week off right

Today is Monday, the start of a new week.  Yet somehow according to pretty much every calendar I have picked up lately, today is not the first day of the week, Sunday is.  Except it's not, not in the real world anyway.  For the past few years I have had those photo calendars you make yourself where you can pick the start date but this year I don't have time.  I just want to walk into a shop, pick up a calendar that has nice and/or funny pictures and enough space to write in the things that I need to remember but will probably also need to put in my phone if there is any chance of me actually remembering them.  Oh and I need it to start on a Monday or all week long I will be a day out of whack.  Is that too much to ask? 

Dear calendar makers of the world,

Please stop making life difficult and just start your calendars on the day of the week that everyone else starts their week.  

Thanks,

D
x

 

November Book Review

November has been a slow book month or rather a slow reading month.  Either way, slim pickings this month. 

The girl on the train - Paula Hawkins
I started this after finishing a truly awful book (see October Book Review) so I was desperately in need of a good read.  This did not disappoint.  Lots of good twists and turns that were not obvious from a mile down the road. I'm really hoping that this is not a one hit wonder as would definitely like to read more from her. 

The Son - Jo Nesbo
Good old Jo Nesbo, he always delivers.

Bridget Jones's Baby - Helen Fielding
When I read the first Bridget Jones book back when it first came out, I didn't take to it or to her as a character. I found her a bit whingy and self obsessed. I read it again a few years later and maybe it was the fact I was older (or maybe I was self obsessed by that stage too) but it resonated with me more second time round. This was a bit of fluff really, I preferred Mad about the Boy but this was a nice easy on the brain read which was exactly what I needed at the time.

Too lazy to add the links, go to Good Reads for more info.

 

 

Balancing Act

Last night's yoga class had balance as it's theme. As I drove home I happened to glance at the passenger seat of my car. It rarely holds passengers but usually gives a pretty accurate snapshot of what is going on in my life. Here is what it contained:

 

- 1 x yoga mat

- 1 x green cowboy hat
- 1 x six pack of a beer called Bohemian Rhapsody

Sounds like a recipe for a fun night doesn't it! 

The yoga mat was obviously mine, the green cowboy hat was part of a costume and was en route to school and the beer was a belated birthday present for my husband.  Some days the seat is full of stuff for other people, some days there is nothing at all but right now I'm feeling pretty impressed with my level of balance, both on the mat and off.
 

October Book Reviews

These are the books I read in October and here is what I thought of them.

My grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry - Fredrik Backman
I tried, I really did.  The first few chapters were good, starting to build the story and the characters.  Then it took a sideways turn into la-la land and still I persevered.  After another few chapters I realised I was skim reading through so much that I was skipping half the book and there wasn't really much point continuing so I abandoned it.

The Wonder - Emma Donoghue
I really liked Room.  I thought it was well written, didn't glamorise the subject matter and yet told the story in a way that made you want to keep reading it.  I've read another of her books, Frog Music and liked it too so I started The Wonder in a very positive frame of mind.  It didn't last.  The story itself was ok, she captured the hold the church had (has?) on people living in Ireland but I found it really hard to take to the main character.  Towards the end she seemed more human but for most of the book she was pretty unlikeable.  There was a bit too much "begorrah bejapers" for my liking too.    

Blood on snow - Jo Nesbo
What can I say, I'm a fan.  I have been fooled before by the "the next Jo Nesbo" written on the front of a book but there is nothing like the original.  Don't think I have read a book of his yet that I didn't like. 

The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared - Jonas Jonasson
I am loving Jonas Jonasson books at the moment.  The first one I read was The girl who saved the King of Sweden and really enjoyed that.  Next on my hit list is Hitman Anders and the meaning of it all.  His books are really easy to read, funny and interesting at the same time.

Craving - Helen Hardt
Utter shite.  Only read it as my book club picked it.  Spent so much time rolling my eyes that I'm surprised I didn't detach my retinas.  This line from the first paragraph will give you an idea of how bad it was - " Who wouldn't want to meet a couple of ruggedly handsome cowboys who were also billionaires from their ranch and wine business?".  It went downhill from there......

Friday Night Style

Some weeks your Friday night outfit is a little black dress, other weeks it includes a felt tiara and a cape.....

Faff Fest

This weekend is going to be an in-law fest.  It's not that I don't get on with my in-laws, it's more that I am quite an organised person and they, quite frankly are not.  There will be epic amounts of faffing around and lots of discussion about the best way to do something without anyone actually doing the thing that needs to be done. 

All the while I will be breathing deeply and repeating my mantra.....

Blah Blah Sunday

God I hate Sundays.  Ever since I was little, it has always been my least favourite day of the week.  It is such a nothing of a day.  It reminds me of forgotten essays and boring films and masses that seemed to go on forever.  All with the threat of Monday looming overhead.  Now that school and religion are a distant memory and films can be accessed at the touch of a button, you would think things would have changed, right?  Nope it's still the same old nothing of a day it ever was.

Back in my twenties when my social life involved actually leaving the house rather than scoffing sauvignon blanc and doritos on the couch, Sundays were spent lazing about, watching bad tv and recovering from a hangover.  These days the hangovers are few and far between.  Children + hanging together = more pain than that extra glass of wine is worth.  So Sundays drag on with nothing specific to do and not even the memory of last night's craic to break up the monotony.  I have been known to get swallowed by the black hole that is Pinterest.  Maybe this should be my new Sunday routine?

  

Slacktober

It appears that for me this month should be renamed Slacktober.  I have been very lax lately with my blogs.  A combination of feeling a bit down and being a bit busy have resulted in zero posts so far in October, sorry Slacktober.  Well I've got 8 days left, it's a long weekend and I've just downloaded the Blogger app onto my phone so now I officially have no excuses!

Part of the difficulty of blogging is believing that you have something worth saying.  This month a lot of my internal dialogue has been negative so I've been practicing what I preach when it comes to the old saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".  Not much of a blog though if I don't say anything at all.  So I'm going to filter less, find ways to make things a bit more positive and get on with it. 

I have this on my fridge and while they are certainly words to live by, there is enough on my to do list at the moment without adding something scary every day.  Today though after a fair bit of procrastination, I felt the fear and did it anyway.  I got my eyebrows threaded for the first time.  Now I am a big wussie when it comes to pain.  I can't even rip a plaster off, so when it came to childbirth you can imagine how relieved I was when the epidural kicked in.  As I drove to my appointment I contemplated a pre-emptive painkiller but figured it wouldn't kick in in time. 

 

 

So in I went, slightly anxious that I was about to yelp in a most undignified manner in front of a complete stranger and it was.....fine.  Not something you would do to relax but not as evil as some of the descriptions I had read online.  The most disconcerting part was the noise of the thread rubbing together.  Obviously my eyes were closed but the noise was conjuring up images of those long handled scythes cutting through hay.  When I opened my eyes I was very glad to see that my eyebrows had not been converted into neat haystacks.  The moral of the story?  No pain, no gain?  Try everything once?  I think it should be "things are rarely as bad as you think they will be".  Not a very catchy slogan I'll grant you but it worked for me today.     

 

Exhale

That moment when you walk into your empty house after 4 days of house guests....

A splash of colour

The weather has been wet, grey and relentless lately. I was in need of a pick me up.  I was also in need of some indigestion relief so I went to the chemist.  Having some child free time is a rare occurrence so I made the most of it with a bit of a browse on the way to the counter.  Funny how you can pick up 4 things that you didn't go in for (and possibly don't really need) while pottering around aimlessly. 

I'm not much of a lippy girl so the lipstick index doesn't really apply to me but I am rarely without a splash of colour on my toes so off to the nail varnish section I skipped.  In a sea of nude shades and summer pastels, this jumped out at me. 

 

Then I saw the name.  Feeling like it wasn't appropriate to cackle with laughter whilst standing alone in a pharmacy (who knows, they could have the power of automatic committal and an itchy trigger finger), I contented myself with a silent smirk.  Looking forward to cracking this open and brightening up my toes this weekend. 

 

Fashion Flashback

I just had a flashback to my youth and not in a good way.  Anyone who was of going out age in the nineties will remember with a shudder the phenomenon that was the body suit.  These oversized babygro tops never seemed to be long enough, resulting in a night spent trying to subtly adjust the crotch area so it didn't feel like you were being cut in two.  As for going to the loo, after a few drinks, trying to get the poppers done up in the right configuration was the equivalent of a challenge on the Krypton Factor.  By the end of the night, all attempts at joining the poppers together were abandoned and a tuck it in and just hope for the best attitude abounded.

Well apparently they're back!  I rarely venture out to the shops here, mostly because there are no decent shops where I live but every so often I think "maybe it's gotten better, maybe there might actually be something I could wear in there.  I'll never know if I don't go in and have a look".  So in I went and what greeted me was this.....

 Seriously???  These were bad enough the first time round, why would someone think it was a good idea to make them again?  So once again, I returned from the shops empty handed muttering "knew I shouldn't have bothered....".  The only saving grace is that H&M is opening in Auckland in October.  It's been a year and seven months since I last got to avail of some decent shopping so I'm expecting to do some serious damage!!!

Humpy

A couple of days ago I was in an irrationally bad mood.  There was no obvious reason for it so I ran through the usual checklist - nope, not hungry, fully caffeinated, have been for a wee, kids are not driving me mad, work was ok.  So why was I in such a foul humour?  Then it dawned on me - I was too hot.  Alas not in the sexy and I know it sense, more on the ever so slightly sweaty side.  Dear God no, it couldn't be the menopause already, I'm far too young and definitely not ready for beige elasticated waist trousers.

Then I looked at where I was standing - at the sink up to my elbows in hot water, right beside the oven which had been on for at least an hour in a north facing room (southern hemisphere equivalent of south facing at home), made up of mostly of windows on a sunny day.  Crisis averted! 

It did made me think that there should be a handy word for describing when you are hot and grumpy, like how hungry and angry make hangry but all I could come up with was humpy (hot and grumpy) which to my mind doesn't really convey the emotion I'm trying to express and makes me think of camels and hunchbacks rather than an overheated woman in a too hot kitchen.   

Things Mothers know

• How to reassemble a transformer back into a car, while in a car on a bendy road, in the dark.
• What "that thing over there" is.
• That a pain in your tummy or unexplained general grumpiness can be solved by going to the toilet.
• The plot to way too many random kids movies.
• The answer to every question your child can think of (or so they seem to think).
• Allowing your children to pick out their own clothes unsupervised can lead to some "interesting" fashion choices (did you get dressed in the dark?) but hey, they have clothes on and sometimes winning that battle is enough for one day.
• Shoveling Weetabix into a child who has come home from a birthday party three parts exhausted, one part wired, with no interest in dinner/listening/not turning into a well fed gremlin, may just be the sugar antidote that pulls them back from the "I'm so tired I can't even cope with being upright" edge they are so perilously close to tipping over.
• Distraction and bribery may not be mentioned much in parenting books but like the best kept dirty little secrets, everyone's had a go in times of desperation.
• Everyone gets a turn to be the mum with the great hair and the stylish outfit and the really well behaved, polite children but today is not your day and tomorrow's not looking likely either.

For the definitive list of things Mothers know, check out Isn't it well for ye? the book of Irish Mammies.  You'll crack up laughing till the day you hear yourself saying one of these gems and you realise you have turned into your Mam and your Granny and probably her Granny before her.  Don't worry though, sure isn't there great drying out? 

A good laugh and a long sleep

Well this week I have had two good laughs.  Earlier in the week I inadvertently scared the bejesus out of my husband, resulting in an increased heart beat for him and a laughing fit which went on for a good five minutes for me (you know the ones where you laugh so much that you cry and every time you attempt to stop, another wave of hysterical laughter hits you).  Then last night I went to see Bad Moms and again laughed till I cried.  I am seriously going to have to invest in some waterproof mascara if this keeps up!

Now if only I could manage the long sleep part, I would be all set.

Girl Up - Laura Bates

I read a book review and if I like the sound of it, I put it on my to read list.  Sometimes it takes a while before I actually get my hands on the book so I have forgotten what it is about by the time I get it.  This was one of those books, but a quick glance at the blurb on the back cover told me all I needed to know.  How could I not be intrigued by a book that in it's own words contains "feminist limericks, colour-by-numbers genitalia and dancing vaginas"?

I liked this book.  It was an easy and informative read and made me think about things like everyday sexism (the author's other project) and the double standards that exist for women and men.  Since reading it, a couple of times my antenna has gone up as I picked up on a throwaway comment or an excuse given for a blatantly offensive aside.  I find I am noticing other things too, like the un-natural, could only exist in the land of photoshop body shapes pictured in magazines.  It would be laughable if it wasn't so prevalent. 

My challenge to myself is the next time I hear someone make a sexist remark I'm going to Girl Up and call them out on it.  The revolution starts here!

Violent Femmes - Violent Femmes

After my trip down memory lane with David Gray, I decided to do a bit more digging though my old cds and came across pure gold.  Violent Femmes and their self titled album brings back such a flood of memories.  It's not just the sing along, know all the words factor, it's the remembering of rushing onto the dance floor in Fibber Magee's when it came on, the getting ready for nights out in Sydney with Blister in the Sun and Add it up as our drink and screech along to soundtrack (our poor neighbours were completely justified in hating us).

Finding myself in a childless car recently, this was the perfect companion for a nondescript trip.  I arrived at my destination hoarse and happy, basking in the warm glow of musical nostalgia.   

Play Date Stress Disorder

So the play date seemed like a good idea when you arranged it but then you have a crazy busy day at work and you forget to get milk on the way to school and it's raining and when you get home the kids decide that running around the house screeching at the top of their voices is a good way to unwind.  Then the parent picking up is running late and the kid is playing up and doesn't want to leave and the dinner that you are in the middle of trying to cook starts to burn and still they haven't left and no homework has been done and you are trying to be nice and polite but inside you are really thinking...

JUST LEAVE ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

 

 

White Ladder - David Gray

Last week I experienced the magic of putting on a cd that I hadn't listened to in years.  I realise from the get go that this will instantly age me.  Who "puts on a cd" these days when you can just click on Spotify and have a world of music at your finger tips.  Well my car is old and not Spotify compatible and I was driving through a forest with terrible radio signal so it was a cd or silence.  Most of my car journeys are 10 minutes max so in preparation for my hour long trip I had dug through some old cd cases for a bit of variety. 

What I got was a time machine back to the turn of the century (how I love being able to say things like this, makes me sound positively Victorian).  The year was 2000 and the cd was White Ladder by David Gray.  Is there a person in Ireland in the 35-45 year old age bracket who doesn't possess a copy of this cd?  I spent my trip singing along at the top of my voice to lyrics I had no idea I still remembered.  If you've got this cd, dust it off and sing it with me....Babylon!

 

Lego

What is it about Lego that makes it so appealing to children and adults alike?  I was never a huge fan of the masses of plastic toys that seemed to multiply in my house when I had children.  I opted for wooden versions where possible and when it wasn't possible I went for toys with an off switch.  When it comes to Lego though, I am perfectly happy to have bucket loads of the stuff (preferably kept in their buckets and not strewn all over the floor).  Of course like most parents, I have cursed Lego from a great height when a sharp piece has become lodged in my bare foot but for the most part I am a big fan. 

We had Lego at home when I was a child and I suppose happy childhood memories drew me to the first set of chunky Duplo I bought for my own children.  As they grew we moved on to the smaller sized Lego and were lucky enough to inherit a large box to get us going.  Birthdays and Christmases have added to the collection.  While the box sets are always popular, the model on the box only seems to get made once or maybe twice before the bricks are consigned to the great big jumble of the Giant Lego Tub, never to be re-united in quite that configuration again. 

One of the main things I liked about Lego was that it was a toy for everyone.  It wasn't a girl toy or a boy toy, it was just a toy that anyone of any age could play with.  As a parent of one girl and one boy, it annoys me no end to see colour coded toy aisles and marketing campaigns aimed at forcing children and parents to think they need to have gender specific versions of toys.  Even before my son was born, I tended to opt for the non-pink version of toys for my daughter.  I have tried to encourage both kids to play with all the toys we have available and let them decide themselves what they like to play with. 

When Lego brought out the Friends pink & purple sets aimed primarily at girls I was so disappointed.  It just seemed like a really cynical marketing move.  I get that there presumably was a gap in the market as it seems to have been pretty successful but I just wish they had figured out a different way to do it.  Why should boys get the sets where they play with firefighters and superheroes when girls get the sets with the puppy grooming parlour and figures whose only job seems to be accessorising their outfits?  Even the Elves set is better as at least they are characters in their own world.

I point blank refuse to buy it, which sometimes makes me unpopular but it just grates to support such blatant segregation.  We do have some of the Friends stuff but only because my daughter was given it as presents (mostly from people who don't know me that well and have obviously not yet heard my anti pink Lego rant).  Perhaps that makes me a supporter by association but I'm not militant or rude enough to force my personal principles on others, particularly not in the middle of a small child's birthday party.  So for now I will continue my little boycott by refusing to buy the Friends sets and sneakily hiding all the pink blocks down the bottom of the tub....

Tips from the pros

When I started this blog and was trying to decide on a name, I googled various blogs and websites which shared the name.  One of them (based not too far from me) had the following advice which I have been trying to embrace (with thanks to Sarah from awaywithwords): 

1. Believe that you’re interesting
This has been the trickiest one for me.  The last three years have seen my confidence at it's lowest for a long, long time.  I didn't realise how much of my identity and self confidence was tied up with what I did for a living or more accurately the fact that I was in paid employment.  When I first moved here I chose not to work so I could settle the kids into life in a new country and starting a new crèche and school.  Once they were all set it became the case that there were no jobs available in my field so I was out of work but not by choice.  I have nothing but admiration for people who choose to stay at home with their children.  I have nothing but empathy for people who have that choice foisted upon them.  It can be the least fun, most tiring, under appreciated way to spend a day.  Of course there are plus sides too but it just wasn't for me.  Anyway, I digress.  I started blogging as a way to get my brain working again.  I started with a private blog for my family and friends, a nice soft audience if you will.  Then earlier this year I decided I was going to go public, a process I found very nerve wracking.  I channeled by inner 25 year old (the most confident age I can remember being, at 21 you think you know it all but you know nothing, at 23 you realise what an idiot you were at 21, by 25 you have things sussed), took a deep breath and hit post.  Most of the time I post whatever happens to come into my head.  Once you stop analysing everything and believe that you have a voice worth hearing it becomes much easier to write.

2. Be realistic
I had great intentions initially of posting every few days but then a week or two would go by with nothing and I would feel guilty.  So rather than adding another thing to my to do list and making the blog into a chore, I figured I would just post when the mood took me and if it didn't well sure what harm. 

3. Carry a notepad
I am a fan of notebooks as a rule so this was an easy suggestion to adopt.  Countless times ideas have popped into my head and I would think, oh I'll remember that and post it later.  Later would arrive only to find me blankly trying to recall what gem I had come up with earlier to no avail.  I keep one beside the bed as I often have random thoughts first thing in the morning while I am trying to psych myself up to get out of bed (it can take a while these frosty mornings).

4. It doesn’t have to be a novel
This is a really helpful tip, particularly when trying to get started.  Knowing that I can keep it short and sweet conversely seems to give the floodgates permission to open.

5. Love your blog
Once I chilled out about how regularly I posted, I started to enjoy the blog more.  When it became something I could do rather than something I felt I had to do, it became easier to commit time to it.

6. Share it
This was another hard one for me, tied up with the confidence thing I suppose but there's really not much point in having a public blog if no-one sees it. 

Book Club

I am usually more of a fiction reader but lately I seem to be hitting up the non-fiction shelves.  Not sure if it's that the fiction I am reading is not really holding my attention or if I have just stumbled onto books whose topics interest me.  I always wondered at people who could read two books at once, probably because I presumed them both to be fiction.  Somehow at the moment I have three books on the go, which is very unlike me. 

When I was younger I always finished every book I started, even if I didn't particularly enjoy it, it was like a point of principle.  Then I realised that life is way too short for me to read all the books I actually want to read so why would I waste time on books that I didn't enjoy?  Now I'm pretty ruthless.  If a book is not grabbing me after the first few chapters, back down the library returns chute it goes.  I'm also a pretty accomplished skim reader (yes, yes the clouds tumbled overhead like mascara stained cotton balls, get on with it).

I'm thinking of starting a book club but need to settle on a few books I would like to read first.  At home I used to get my book wish list from reviews I would read in the weekend papers but the books that get reviewed in my local paper here rarely make it onto my wish list.  So I'm looking for recommendations.  What was the last good book you read? 

  

Talking about book clubs reminded me of something I saw recently on Waterford Whispers which cracked me up.  I do plan to read some books in book club, honestly!!

A mindfulness guide for the frazzled - Ruby Wax

Mindfulness is something I've heard about sporadically over the last few years, from reading articles and from friends who have done mindfulness courses.  I tended to think of it as something that required lots of time and quiet, neither of which I have a large supply of. 

The title of this book appealed to me and I quite like Ruby Wax, particularly when she's discussing a more weighty topic.  I started out well, faltered a bit on the scientific how the brain works part and then sailed through to the end.  The personal anecdotes were a nice touch and I liked the conversational tone of the book.  It includes notes for a 6 week mindfulness course.  I did try some of the exercises but like any form of exercise, not everything is going to appeal to everyone.  It's good to try out a variety so you can pick and choose which are going to work best for you as an individual.  I liked the way that there wasn't a presumption that everyone would automatically like doing every activity.  There were options if you were a gym person, someone who commutes to work, basically anywhere you could possibly grab a couple of minutes to focus and there was a mindfulness exercise to fit.

I've been doing yoga for a while now so quite a few of the exercises were familiar to me.  I was already practicing mindfulness without even realising - bonus!  The main things I took from the book was that it is important to find the time to stop, take a breath and spend a minute or two mentally checking in to see how you are doing that day.  Mental health is often neglected and it can have such a huge impact on every other aspect of our lives so its never a waste of time to make sure your mind is in good shape.  In this age of having it all, yolo, fomo and all the other ones that end in o, we should all be a bit nicer to ourselves and each other.  No-one is perfect so why should I be any different? 

Hands Free Mama - Rachel Macy Stafford

I was looking for a different book when I came across this one.  I think I spend enough time with my kids but have been thinking lately about the quality of the time I spend with them.  So I thought I would give this book a go.  I've only read the first few chapters so far and I will admit I did have to filter out some of more happy clappy suggestions and the God stuff but it's never a bad idea to consider a new way to do things even when you don't agree with everything the author puts forward. 

I did well the first day.  I stayed well clear of the laptop (my device of choice) and spent time with the kids helping them to put together a model dinosaur.  Day two I still avoided technology but got on with a few more household chores because at the end of the day, everyone still needs clean clothes and dinner.  Day three and yep, I'm back on the laptop.  We've had a friend staying so I've had two late week nights and I'm feeling a bit lacking in energy.  Let's face it, it's more pleasant to hide behind the screen than interact with two cantankerous children.  But that's really the point isn't it, to change old habits and get out from behind the laptop. 

So after a cup of tea and a sneaky piece of chocolate to fuel me out of my afternoon slump, I gathered the kids together to start planning a crazy hat for crazy hat day in school.  All the grumpy griping disappeared and they got really involved in coming up with ideas for how the hat could be decorated and what materials they could use to do it.  It only took some occasional steering from me and they worked away happily themselves.  By giving a little of my time and attention, the grumpy shouty afternoon that had been ahead of us was neutralised and instead, all three of us had a productive and pleasant afternoon.  This hands free mama lark may be worth exploring more.

Dark Places - Gillian Flynn

I really liked Gone Girl, it was one of those books I just flew through, enjoying all the twists and turns along the way.  So when I came across Dark Places I was eager to read another Gillian Flynn novel.  Unfortunately it didn't quite hit the mark for me.  I found all the chopping and changing a bit annoying.  Possibly I just wasn't in the right frame of mind for having to remember what happened in the chapter before last - life was particularly busy when I was reading it so my attention span probably wasn't what it could have been.  Ultimately I finished it without the sense of satisfaction I had while turning the last page of Gone Girl.  Don't you hate when you're all psyched up to love a book but it just doesn't deliver.

 

Live and let live

Imagine knowing with absolute clarity at a very early age who you are.  Imagine standing up for who you are despite other people telling you not to.  Imagine having a family who supports your choices. 

How someone can ask a L G B T or Q person when they "decided to be that way" baffles me.  No one ever asks a straight person when they decided to be that way.  It's as ridiculous as asking me when I decided to have green eyes and brown hair.  I didn't decide, its just the way I am and it is a tiny part of who I am, it doesn't define me.

I read an article recently which said that in terms of human genome coding, we are 98% the same.  If we are all so very similar, then why do some people insist on focusing on the 2% that differentiates us? 

 

Isolation

I'm generally a get on with it type of person.  When life gets hard or busy I just put my head down and power through.  It's a defense mechanism I suppose, my way of coping when I don't want to have to deal with emotions because if you are busy doing then you don't have time to stop and feel.  This week I've been having a bad week.  A sad week.  A week where it all seems too much to power through, where I don't have the inner resources to just keep going and get on with things. 

Nothing in particular caused it, probably more likely to be a build up of stress that needs to be vented somehow.  Being in a really bad mood is usually my go to method of venting, or crying in the shower when time permits.  I think what's getting me down is the isolation.  It's bloody lonely living on the other side of the world from everyone you know and love.  I'm still struggling to make real connections here.  I have lots of acquaintances, even one budding friendship but this week I feel very alone.  There hasn't been much in the way of communication at home this week - from both sides, I haven't exactly been talkative, it's hard to make conversation when you are just about holding it together, so that has been adding to the sense of isolation and having no-one to talk to.  

There is a line in the film Brooklyn about homesickness being just like any other form of sickness.  You have it for a while and then it moves on to someone else.  This week everything just felt so hard, I feel so far away from everything and everyone.  I'm sure it will pass but right now, I feel like I could leave in the morning without a backward glance.  I don't feel connected to this place.  I don't know that I ever will.   

Life in a small town

There are pluses and minus when it comes to living in a small town.  It only takes me 5 minutes to drive home from work and traffic is practically unheard of but it takes 1.5 - 3 hours to access a decent selection of shops.  No-one seems to care what you wear or what you look like.  Which can be a good thing when you're having a bad hair day and a bad thing when it looks like half the town got dressed in the dark.  The most pressing issue in the letters page of the local paper concerns punctuality and the modern world's lack thereof or God and the modern world's.... you get the drift.

Would I swap it for life in the big city with access to all the great festivals and exhibitions, amenities galore and a huge array of shops to chose from?  Not unless I could magically get rid of the traffic, the crazy house prices, the length of time it takes to get anywhere and the rush, rush, rush that tends to accompany life in the city.  So for now I think I will stick to the pace of small town living with occasional forays into more populated areas when my need for variety and culture becomes too stark.

Tastes change

I don't like olives.  Never have, never likely to.  Big fan of their oil, just not the little green and black things themselves.  Apparently some people take to olives later in life.  It's one of those things that if you didn't grow up eating them, people seem to think you will become a fan when you are older and your taste buds are more mature.  Do taste buds actually mature though?  Or do we just like eating what we like eating regardless of age or whether we grew up on it or not?

I never had spinach as a child as my mother had been forced to eat it when she was a child and subsequently hated it so much that she never cooked it for us.  So I came to spinach somewhat late in life but love it none the less.  The same with sweet potatoes.  As a child growing up in Ireland in the 70's/80's,  sweet potatoes only existed in the cool American picture dictionary I had (same goes for yams and bison).  Now give me some sweet potato fries and a splodge of aioli and I am a happy girl. 

I can see how if you were forced to eat something you didn't enjoy or ate it so often you got sick of it that would put you off eating or cooking it.  My aim for this month is to try to shake off my pre-conceived notions of what I like and don't like, try new things and make my children try them too! 

  

The recipe for a quiet afternoon

Take one large bag of books from the library.  Add two children.  Check intermittently and add snacks as required.

Just get on with it

I've come to the realisation that if I am ever going to get some flow going with this blog, I'm going to have to fight my perfectionist nature and just get on with it.  I think that posting regularly but keeping it short and sweet is the way to go.  So I'm going to use whatever time I have at my disposal, even if it's only to post a one liner.  We'll see how it goes....

Victoria Wood - RIP

With all the hullabaloo around Prince dying, it was a couple of days before I heard that Victoria Wood had died.  I liked Victoria Wood's humour.  It seemed harmless and innocent at first glance but underneath there was a fierce intelligence.  She could say more with a look than many comedians do with an entire set.  It caught you off guard too.  One minute you were laughing along, then you would realise something serious has just crept in and the tone would change to bittersweet.  Before long the mood would change again and she would deliver a line that was loud out loud with a snort thrown in for good luck!   

You know it!

A few of my favourite things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers.....wait a minute!

I could have organised these by category but sometimes it's fun to see how your mind jumps from one thing to another.  So, in no particular order...

Tea
Butter
Scandinavian drama - The Bridge, Borgen
Scandinavian noir - Jo Nesbo, Samuel Bjork, Henning Mankel
The colour red
Bread
Singing
Sleeping
Bacon
Boots
Scarves
Singing along in the car at the top of your voice
Sunny autumn afternoons
Salty, savoury treats
Books that grab you from the first few pages (I'm reading Dark Place by Gillian Flynn at the moment)
Songs that grab you from the first few listens
A sneaky hour to myself
Warm soapy water on a cold day
Resting my eyelids (what my Dad calls it when he takes a nap but won't admit to taking a nap)
Rice Krispie buns

Deep and meaningful

I noticed lately that I don't think as much as I used to.  Whilst my mind is constantly whirling round the hamster wheel of day to day life, I don't spend much (any?) time pondering the big things - the deep and philosophical, "what's the meaning of life?" things.  I think about how much sugar and processed foods we consume, about climate change and the state the world will be in by the time my children are adults, about what I will cook for dinner.  But I don't spend time thinking about the mysteries of life.  Maybe because I don't have as much sitting around with nothing to do but think time as I used to, maybe it's because I think I won't like the answers I come up with.  One of the books on my to read hit list is "A mindfulness guide for the frazzled" by Ruby Wax.  Maybe it will open up my mind and lead me to consider the great big world around me more.

 

 

Limbo

I was talking to someone at the weekend who is living in limbo.  She needs to look for a job but plans to move to a different area so feels like there's not much point in going down that route while she is where she is but on the other hand, she has no idea when she will be in a position to move to where she plans to be.

When it comes to limbo, I can relate.  I have been in New Zealand almost 3 years now and I still feel like I'm in limbo.  Initially it was because we were living somewhere we did not plan to stay long term.  When we moved to the town we live in now it was because we were renting.  When we bought a house it was because it needed renovations.  When the renovations were complete (or as complete as they are likely to be for a while) it was because I wasn't working.  Now I am working, the house is sort of done, the kids have settled well at school so why do I still feel like I am in limbo?  Is it just a feeling that never goes away when you live in a country that you are not from and can't see yourself staying in forever?  Do I need to embrace my life here, pretend everything is as it should be, sort of fake it till you make it as it were?  I've decided to claim a piece of the house for myself, to make my own little area where rates bills, shopping lists and pieces of lego are not welcome.  Where I can stick up things I have ripped out of a magazine rather than leave them in a crumpled heap at the bottom of my handbag.  As steps forward go, it's a baby step I'll grant you but even the person with the longest stride started out taking baby steps.

 

 

 

 

    

A change is as good as a rest

I've been struggling to post on the blog.  Sometimes it is a lack of time, sometimes a lack of motivation.  Sometimes I can't think of anything worth writing/reading.  I have an empty house for probably the next hour so I had a choice to make.  Do I tidy up, get all the niggly little jobs that will make my week run smoother done?  Do I sew the cushion cover I have been intending to sew for the last 3 months?  Do I get a head start on prepping dinner?  Or do I go the other way.  Do I opt to ignore the little tune the washing machine makes when the load is finished?  Do I chose to believe that all the little jobs will get done eventually and if they don't then its not the end of the world.

While making a cup of tea I spotted this quote on my fridge "You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water" - Rabindranath Tagore.  So I decided to change my perspective.  To believe that what I had to say was worth writing/reading.  I cleared some space on the desk in the spare room and de-camped from the dining room table which is where I normally write.  I am currently facing a blank wall which I am choosing to use to my advantage.  This position allows me to ignore the bed I have just stripped which needs to be remade.  Out of sight, out of mind is a very useful thing.  In time, I may decide to stick up some pictures but for now I am using the blank wall as a way to de-clutter my mind and focus on this post (if only for a couple of minutes).  I'm hoping my change of perspective will get the flow flowing but only time will tell. 

The couch and beyond

I've always been more of a book person than a magazine person but lately I have noticed that during the day, either my attention span or my available time is more suited to a magazine article than a chapter of a book.  Magazines filled with the latest celebrity gossip or fad diet hold no interest.  I like a magazine that I read with a notebook by my side.  The notebook being for jotting down websites to visit, books to read and things to investigate more.  My current favourites are Good and Mindfood.  I've been reading Good for a couple of years now and like the mix of environmental topics, recipes, things to make and do, ethical shopping etc. but Mindfood is starting to overtake it, rapidly becoming a fast favourite.  My mother got me a subscription for my birthday so once a month I get a nice surprise in my postbox.  The bookmark included in every issue is genius - how has no other magazine thought of this before?  So I am hitting the couch armed with a cup of tea and the latest issue.  Who knows where it will take me?

Hello darkness my old friend

Autumn is here with a vengeance.  Whilst I am not a fan of the early onset of evening, I am a HUGE fan of the colours, food, weather and of course clothing associated with all things autumnal.  I have just happily put away my summer linens and replaced them with my cosy cardigans and comfy boots.  As someone who burns easily and would rather not join the appalling NZ skin cancer statistics, I spend my summers liberally doused in greasy sunscreen, chasing the shade.  No more though, soon I will able to kick through piles of brightly coloured dried leaves on a crisp autumn afternoon.  I will dine on apple and cinnamon muffins and butternut squash with lashings of bacon and garlic.  I will curl up on the couch with a good book and a soft cosy blanket. 

Not quite as extreme as summer or winter, autumn is my kind of season.

Get Up, Stand Up

I'm annoyed with myself.  I encountered something that really annoys me and I didn't say anything.  I was standing watching a group of young kids playing soccer (well running around in the vicinity of a ball would probably be a more accurate description).  There were other parents/interested parties also standing round forming a small group.  Two little boys were standing at the far end of the pitch chatting, completely oblivious to the game going on down the other end.  One of the adults remarked that the two boys seemed to be having a great time.  A man who regularly makes  racist/sexist/homophobic/generally offensive comments said "Well as long as they are not kissing" to which one of the fathers replied "If he was he would quickly feel my boot up his arse" (one of the little boys was his son).  This exchange annoyed me on several levels:

- Why would you automatically assume two five year old boys chatting would start kissing?
- What would it matter if they did?
- Why would you chose to kick your five year old son if they kissed another boy?
- Why didn't I stand up for what I believe in and call them out on their homophobic and frankly ridiculous conversation?

Part of why I didn't say anything is that I have a connection to the person who made the kissing remark.  I've had words with him on other subjects and it has made life decidedly awkward.  However I think that the main reason I didn't say anything is that I have a tendency to avoid confrontation.  I don't like to be the centre of attention or draw undue focus to myself.  You know how some people say their wedding day was the most special day of their life?  Well I found it quite disconcerting to have everyone focussed on me and my every move. 

It's not really a good enough excuse though is it?  If no one calls people on remarks like this is it giving the message that casual homophobia is ok?  It's not ok and I have resolved that next time I am in this sort of a situation (and unfortunately I don't think it will be long before it happens) that I will stand up and say something.