I had a rubbish sleep last night so when I woke up this morning I was tired and cranky and took forever to drag myself out of bed. A shower woke me up somewhat but generally the going was slow. When I started to make the kids' lunches I happened to look at the clock and noticed that I wasn't that much later than normal, especially considering my slow start. Maybe I wasn't as late getting out of bed as I thought. Maybe my slow, is actually quite quick.
I thought back to mornings when I was still going out to work and always seemed to be rushing. Then it hit me. I wear a uniform now. Yeah it's an unofficial one but looking in the wash basket, the evidence speaks for itself. I wear the same thing every day - jeans, top, hoodie. I don't even think about it anymore, it's automatic. There's no "does this top go with those trousers and have I got a cardigan and necklace that will match". When I think back to how much time I wasted figuring out what to wear in the mornings.
I can see how people with limited time on their hands or a lot on their minds would gravitate to wearing the same clothes every day. You can get a lot more done when you are not wasting brain space thinking about what you are going to wear.
There hasn't been much in the way of comedy on TV here lately. Well not decent comedy anyway, so I have been turning to Netflix when I need a laugh. Here's what's been tickling my funny bone of late.
Workin' Moms - I am loving the new series, have laughed out loud multiple times. This show makes doing the ironing bearable.
Derry Girls - The mix of nostalgia, teenage shenanigans and blatant swearing never fails to crack me up.
Atypical - More laugh out loud moments from this quirky comedy.
This quote has nothing to do with Netflix, it just makes me smile every time I read it.
When you're not a dress person but you see a dress you like and you go to the effort of taking your clothes off to try it on and the dress actually looks quite good on you but you think to yourself "when would I even wear it?", so you hum and hah in the changing room and finally decide you will sleep on it and if you still like it tomorrow you will come back and buy it.
So tomorrow comes and you're still thinking about the dress and working out ways to justify spending money on it when you don't have a job but when you think about it, it's not even really that expensive but then again Christmas is coming and new school uniforms need to be bought in January. Then you remember that you have been meaning to have a clear out so if you sell some stuff online then that will pay for the not even very expensive dress and will also reduce the clutter in your house. Bonus!
Happy with your sound reasoning and thorough thought process you skip back to the shop to reunite yourself with the dress which has by now acquired "already planning what shoes to wear with it" status, only to find someone else has bought it and there are no more in your size...
On my blog Facebook page there is a suggested groups section. These are groups that Facebook has decided might be worth joining as my page to "reach more people who may be interested in your page".
The suggested groups include - Survivors of Emotional Abuse, Loving Someone with BPD, Brain Injury Survivors, Making Ostomies Cool and somewhat bizarrely, Casefile True Crime Podcast Discussion Group.
I think I may need to focus on writing some more cheery upbeat posts...
I did a two hour restorative yoga class a while back. It was a great way to wrap up one month and head into another. The poses are supported taking all the effort out so you get a really good stretch without having to do very much work. Just what you want on a Sunday afternoon.
Along with the extended holding of poses, there was loads of extra time for relaxation and meditation at the end. Despite my best intentions, my mind started to wander. Amongst the random thoughts and things to add to my to do list, came the wishes. I wish I was more like her, she seems to enjoy being a SAHM, hosting elaborate birthday parties for her kids and posting weekly Insta-worthy #preciousmemories. I wish I was more like her, she never seems to lack ambition or goals. I wish I had her ability to chat to people and make friends. I wish I had her openness and trusting nature. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Maybe it's time to stop with the wishing. Maybe it's ok to not have figured out what I want to be when I grow up yet. Maybe this is what I am supposed to be doing right now. Comparing myself with other people only ends badly for me so maybe I need to focus on being good enough for me.
Things that are guaranteed to raise my heart rate.
- Arriving late for an appointment.
- Driving somewhere new.
- Cooking a new recipe with lots of ingredients.
- Going into a shop 5 minutes before they are due to close.
- Baking with children.
- Overtaking.
- Fitting everything into the case at the end of a long haul holiday.
- Walking into an unfamiliar bar trying to find the friends I am meeting.
- Parallel parking when it's raining.
- Catering for large groups of people.
- Going to a new hairdresser for the first time.
When my kids were babies, crying was the only way they had to communicate. I learned to tell their different cries - the tired cry, the hungry cry, the I'm having a complete and utter meltdown cry. When they learned to talk, interpreting their needs became a lot easier. There was still crying but not as often.
As parents, how well we deal with crying kids can be relative to how much sleep/food/caffeine we have had and also who is within earshot. We have all been that mother with a clenched jaw and a fixed smile telling our kid "come on now, you're alright" when really we want to screech at them to "stop that crying or there'll be no screens till you're 25".
It's Friday today. The last day of the kids' two weeks holidays and I think it's fair to say that I have reached saturation point when it comes to "quality time" with my darling children. You know you are close to the edge when you hear one of them crying downstairs and rather than wondering if they are ok, you think to yourself "Really? You had to wait till I was in the loo to start crying? Can I seriously not even have a wee in peace? FFS".
Roll on Monday morning school drop off.....
If it was your last day on earth what would you eat?
I think they only get to choose their dinner on death row but I'm going for the full day. Also, I'm not gluten free on death row and I can eat garlic without feeling the need to curl up into a ball of cramps.
Breakfast
Eggs Benedict with spinach and bacon and some Superquinn sausages on the side.
Toast with marmalade with no bits in it.
A never ending pot of tea.
Lunch
Chicken soup with my Granny's wheaten bread and loads of butter.
A giant chocolate eclair from Avoca.
Another never ending pot of tea.
Dinner
Mussels in a white wine & garlic sauce with fresh crusty bread.
Linguine with prawns & clams in a garlic & chilli sauce.
Tarte au Citron with whipped cream.
Whatever I cook for dinner tonight is going to be a disappointment isn't it...
- Aimlessly scrolling through Facebook when there are 50 million better things I could be doing.
- Checking notifications as soon as my phone beeps (see above).
- Doing laundry so frequently. (Our washing machine broke recently and when it came back 10 days later we were still nowhere near running out of clothes. Definitely time for a wardrobe cull).
- Cooking every night. Leftovers are the way of the future.
- Checking Pinterest for the perfect picture to go with these posts and then realising half an hour has passed and I still need to finish the damn thing.
- Channel surfing when the programme I was watching has finished and it's time for bed anyway.
- Going to bed late but then still reading for way too long. Morning me curses night time me on a semi-regular basis.
I find it hard to remember what books I have read in a month, never mind a year and then to have to narrow down which were my favourites? Goodreads to the rescue. What should have been a quick scroll back through this year's books went on a few tangents so I could click on various books to jog my memory. Usually an indication that it's not going to make the short list for best book if I can't even remember what it was about.
These were the ones that stood out for me this year*.
Fiction
Normal People by Sally Rooney
You know when your friend is seeing someone that doesn't treat them well? This is like awkwardly eavesdropping on their entire messed up relationship. You feel like you shouldn't be listening but you can't help yourself. I've just read another of her books, Conversations with Friends and really enjoyed it too.
Non-Fiction
2040 by Damon Gameau
I liked how this book gave practical examples of how we can all do something to help slow down climate change. He doesn't gloss over how bad things are but when I finished this book I felt hopeful rather than depressed.
* These books weren't necessarily published in 2019, I just happened to read them this year.
When I was growing up there were 4 houses beside each other with kids of similar ages. There were 11 of us in total, 4 girls and 7 boys. This was before play dates were invented. There was no working around after school activity schedules in those days. Everyone just went out the front and played with whoever was around. If we needed more people to make up teams we knocked on the door and asked if they were coming out to play.
Supervision consisted of an open window and a parent who was vaguely within earshot. We played on the road or in the various gardens. The road wasn't a busy one, it ended in a cul-de-sac so shouting "car" was usually enough to ensure no-one was mowed down. The worst injury I sustained as a child was when I fell off the wall I was walking along in the back garden into a thorny bush while wearing very short shorts. My thighs have rarely seen daylight since.
We played games like Kerbs (where you have to bounce a football off the opposite kerb from various distances), Sticks (where you jumped between 3 sticks which were moved further and further apart) and Tip the Can (a cross between Chasing, Hide & Seek and Survivor). The games ended when dinner was ready or it got dark outside. The rules were fluid and oft-debated.
I was reminded of those childhood games recently when my own kids were out playing football on the reserve (sort of a mini-park) beside our house. They were joined by a couple of kids from up the road, then a few more from down the road came along and before they knew it, there were 9 kids milling about playing happily together. It started out as football, then merged into touch rugby before it descended into a complete free for all. The game ended when I called them in for dinner. In they came, sweaty and ravenous and full of chat about the games they had played and the goals they had scored, the winners and the losers, the kids with the mad skills and the ones who weren't very good but tried their hardest. History is repeating itself in the best possible way.
Not the Vivaldi hold music or the hotel chain, I'm talking nature, weather, traditions.
So here goes, my 3 favourite things about each of the seasons.
Spring
Walking on a windy day - nothing like a stroll on a blustery day to blow away the cobwebs and make you feel alive.
Downgrading the layers - the joy of being able to go outside without needing a jacket/thermal vest on.
Flowers - seeing flowers bloom in the garden and realising how much a pop of colour can brighten my day when I open the curtains.
Summer
Skirts - wearing skirts without having to think about tights which everyone knows are evil.
Salad - just wash a bit of veg, throw a few potatoes on and some leftover chicken and hey presto dinner is ready.
A cold drink on a hot day - is there anything better?
Autumn
Cosy clothes - I get to dig out my boots and my hoarder like stash of scarves.
Colourful leafy trees - much more interesting than plain old green leaves.
Goodbye suncream - No more having to smother suncream on my extremities every time I want to leave the house for longer than 5 minutes. Did I mention that I burn easily?
Winter
Frosty mornings - walking on crunchy grass and breathing out in big puffs so it looks like I am smoking (or vaping if it's a really big breath) never gets old.
Soup - makes me warm from the inside out and uses up that dodgy looking veg in the bottom of the fridge, it's a win, win.
Afternoon Escapes - those days when it's horrible out and the only place to be is on the couch with a good book, a large cup of tea and a cosy blanket. It should go without saying that this experience would benefit greatly from being child free, with the addition of chocolate only serving to enhance.
One of the many things I miss from Ireland is newspapers, or more specifically the weekend newspapers. I never had the time or inclination to read a daily paper but I did like the weekend papers, even if it usually took me the full week to finish them. Newspapers here just don't compare and reading the Irish papers online doesn't have the same appeal. I especially like the Review section of the Saturday Independent. It covers a good range of topics and introduces things I would not otherwise stumble upon in my everyday life.
My parents kept a stash of Reviews for me to read when I was home in July but a combination of jet lag and late nights meant that I didn't have the brain capacity to read them then. I brought them back with me and put them in my to read box. I used to put my to read stash on the bookshelf in the sitting room but the pile would look at me reproachfully when I was in the throes of a Netflix binge so I moved it to a box under the side table where it was out of sight but close at hand.
Yesterday I was dusting (a rare enough occurrence) and whilst giving the lid a wipe, I opened the box to see how much was in there. The excitement! I had totally forgotten about the Reviews. So what if some of the stuff is old and the events have already happened. There are book reviews galore, recommendations for shows that will hopefully make it to Netflix here and articles that help paint a picture of what Ireland is like beyond the front page headlines. I am beside myself with the unexpectedness of it all.
You know that feeling when you have to do something that you really don't want to do and it's not even that you don't want to do it, it's that you're scared. Stomach churning, heart thumping, s**t scared. It may defy all logic and make sense to no-one but you but still it persists. The fear.
Last week I faced a fear that I have been avoiding for quite some time. I could have dodged it again but I thought "No. I need to get over myself. How bad could it be?". You're probably thinking "Well done you, good woman yourself". Well before you get carried away, you should probably know that even though I did the thing that scared me, it only served to confirm that it was definitely as scary as I thought it would be and I should never do it again.
Let's just say that me and steep driveways where you feel like you are plummeting to your death on the way down and all you can see is sky when you are driving back up, are not ever going to see eye to eye.
A while back I was in a shop I had never been in before, in a shopping centre I had never been in before, in a city three hours from where I live. A woman came up to me and started chatting to me. Like full on chatting as if she knew me. After a moment's blind panic thinking, wait do I actually know this woman and I've just lost my mind, I realised that no, she was a complete stranger.
I interrupted her gently and suggested that maybe she was mistaking me for someone else. I figured my accent would quickly tip her off to the fact that I wasn't who she thought I was. Apparently not. She was adamant that we had met previously and my two daughters went to the same school as hers. I explained that I only had one daughter and I lived in Rotorua not Auckland. She didn't seem convinced.
So if you are an Irish woman who lives in Auckland, has two daughters and looks like me and now the school gate Mums think you are rude because you won't talk to them in Sylvia Park, I do apologise.
So there is this cool thing called Inktober which is a month long art challenge where artists are given prompts and are challenged to produce ink drawings based on their interpretation of the prompts. I thought this was an interesting way to encourage people to be creative whilst exploring subjects they possibly wouldn't normally consider.
All very inspiring but other than stick people, I can't actually draw so that could be a slight issue. Never fear, Pinterest has thrown up a writing prompts version of Inktober so I'm going to give that a go. This is really just a heads up that there may be some random posts coming your way in October but don't worry, I haven't completely lost the plot.
