The lost art of conversation

For a while there, I was worried that I had forgotten how to hold a conversation.  I'm spending too much time online, I thought.  I've lost whatever fleeting grasp I ever had on the subtle art of having a conversation with another actual human being in real life.    

The setting for this possibly over dramatic line of thought was the return journey from a weekend away.  We had been to stay with some friends who we don't see very often.  They are perfectly nice people and while I get on well with them, they're technically his friends not mine so there is not that shared history and camaraderie you have when it's your friends you are talking to.  I found it really hard making conversation with people who are not complete strangers but whose day to day lives I am not hugely familiar with.  

I'm fine with a 5 minute chat at school pick up time or the disjointed on - off talking while you are sitting on the sidelines during football practice.  Relative strangers don't require much from a conversation.  The weather is a trusty and perennial topic, especially in a country with weather patterns as changeable as this.  I can easily pass the time of day with a stranger in a waiting room or the queue at the supermarket.  

My stumbling block was more of the "so what have you been up to since I saw you last?" variety.  When you see someone once, maybe twice a year, how could they possibly answer a question like that?  How do you (without sounding weird) ask getting to know you questions when you kind of, sort of, already know them a bit?  With some people a quick scan of their Facebook posts beforehand can provide useful conversation starting fodder.  Alas, not everyone chooses to share the intricacies of their life online.  Leaving me back at square one, over-thinking what I should say next.  

Take the time for yourself

Recently I talked about choosing how best to spend my time with other people.  Lately I am all about taking a bit of time for myself.  Now I'm not going to be ridiculous and imagine that any of us have huge amounts of free time tucked up our sleeves but when I renewed a library book for the second time (meaning I will have had it 6 weeks) and it's not even that long a book, I realised that if I don't make/take the time for myself, no-one is going to hand it to me on a plate. 

So on the odd day that I arrive early to pick up the kids, I sit in the car and read for 5-10 minutes.  I've put a stash of hand cream and nail varnish beside my spot on the couch so while I am watching telly I can try to transform my dry wizened winter hands into something not resembling a witch's.  Note to self, must start wearing gloves.

Yesterday, having realised the tap had been turned to hot and the bath was half full of scalding hot water and therefore not really suitable for children who have a conniption if the temperature exceeds tepid, I decided to lash in some cold water and hop in myself.  Despite having inherited a fancy spa bath when we moved in here, I rarely have a bath.  By the time the kids had finished eating dinner (they are the slowest eaters in the world), I had had a nice soak for myself and was ready to get out so they could jump in.  All 3 of us trying to squeeze into the bath together would not have been remotely relaxing.  As with so many things in life, timing is everything.

Now that I have eventually finished the book, I'm thinking I need to start putting a bit more activity into my day so weather and humour permitting, I'm going to start going for a quick trot round the block while waiting for the bell to ring.  Mostly this is because one of the people I see regularly at pick up time is a particularly active grandma who always goes for a walk rather than waiting around.  Nothing like being shamed into activity!! 

In real life you rarely get a big fat chunk of time for yourself so stake your claim and grab your 10 minutes wherever you can.

Nude Minstrels

Some days it's the little things that have the most impact. 

I've been looking for a nude nail varnish for ages.  I have gazillions of dark varnishes for my toes but it seems like 30 seconds after I put a dark varnish on my fingers it has chipped so I figured it was safer to stick to something more neutral.  Everything I've tried has either been too pale or too peachy or just gick.  I was in a shop looking for a grey scarf (to no avail) when I cruised by the nail varnish section.  Without much hope of success I bought another pale nude looking varnish thinking, hmm this is probably going straight into the charity shop bag but low and behold, I think I might be on to a winner with this one.  It is called "Bride to be" by Essie.

Then a couple of days later when I was looking for a corn fed chicken (which are nigh on impossible to find here), I found Minstrels!!!  Now I appreciate that Minstrels are not normally a cause of great excitement but they don't sell them here and while I was never particularly fond of Galaxy chocolate, I am partial to a bag of Minstrels.  The tag line suggested the bag was the perfect size for sharing but I took that to be optional. 

So the moral of the story seems to be, it's good to have a plan when you go shopping but never discount the fact that you could end up bringing home something completely different.



Choose wisely

Life is busy.  Whether you have kids or not.  Whether you have a job you are paid for or a job where the pay comes in the form of kisses and hugs from your kids.  Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and that there are not enough hours in the day.  There are, you just have to chose wisely how you spend them.  Depending on who you are and what's happening for you right now, choosing wisely may mean spending some time in the kitchen so the freezer is stocked up for the week ahead as you know you have a lot on and won't have time to cook.  It might mean skipping doing a quick tidy and getting an early night instead because there's a bug going round and you feel like it might have your name on it.

For me, last week choosing wisely was spending time with the kids writing crazy made up stories instead of stressing over making dinner.  It was seeing something online that sparked a memory of an old friend and taking the time to write her an email to share that random memory.  Our crazy stories had the kids cracking up laughing and we had bacon sandwiches for dinner (who doesn't love a bacon sandwich?).  I had a lovely message to say my email had brightened my friend's day.

Too often I think "I'll do that later/when I have a chance/tomorrow" but while life is busy, it is also short.  For the most part we can choose how we spend the hours in our day.  Next time you have the chance, choose wisely. 

Tick tock

Things you can do in 35 minutes.

• Take in a wash.
• Hang said wash on the clothes horse as the predicted "great drying" didn't materialise.
• Have a wee.
• Get changed.
• Log onto laptop.
• Discover laptop needs to restart itself as you have been postponing it for about a week.
• Sigh and make a cup of tea instead.
• Check laptop, still not finished.
• Peel potatoes for dinner.
• Decide there will definitely be more vegetables in tomorrow night's dinner as tonight is burgers and wedges and yesterday was a sausage and a bacon sandwich.  May have over estimated how much food would be required last weekend so have a bit of a meat surplus.
• Discover laptop has eventually finished updating.
• Download photos off camera.
• Write a long overdue blog post.
• Realise you need to leave to pick up the kids in 3 minutes and you are only half way through your tea.
• Decide this is plenty long enough for a post and go drink your tea.  Got to have your priorities right!

The battle ground

I love my couch.  Along with my bed, it is one of my favourite places to be.  It is big and comfy and cosy.  You can put your feet up and recline the back.  Just thinking about it makes me smile. 

That familiar lure has taken a sinister turn of late.  Now that winter has truly hit and the nights are getting colder and more relentless, it is proving harder and harder to resist the temptation to ditch yoga class and cosy up on the couch under a blanket.  I have missed the last two weeks but this week, this week I won the battle to get my ass off the couch and go to yoga.  I was exceedingly glad to return said ass to the couch after yoga, making the mental note that while missing two weeks seems fine at the time, it is not so fine the week I actually go back to class.  I fear tomorrow will be a day of shuffling stiffness.  Damn you couch.

April & May Book Review

Seriously late with this one and it's so long ago now that I read some of these that I'm struggling to remember them so going to keep it short and sweet.

Holding up the universe - Jennifer Niven
Better than The Fault in Out Stars but have decided I am not a big fan of teen lit.

Not that kind of girl - Lena Dunham
I find her funny if a bit self obsessed.  Recognised lots of storylines from Girls.

You, me and other people - Fionnuala Kearney
Was on the verge of giving up on this when it took an interesting turn.

Everyday sexism - Laura Bates
Grim but necessary reading.  Made me want to speak up so my kids' generation doesn't have as much of this rubbish to deal with (too much to hope for that they might not have to deal with it at all).

The blackbird sings as dusk - Linda Olsson
A gentle story of three people living in the same building whose lives intertwine.

The heart's invisible furies - John Boyne
A look at how Ireland has progressed in it's attitudes over the years.  Makes me glad I wasn't born back than and appreciate that things have for the most part vastly improved.

The secret diary of Hendrik Groen, 83 1/4 years old - Hendrik Groen
Not as funny as Ove but an interesting insight into the life of an older person.

 

A cautionary tale

Have you ever had the urge to try something new?  To throw caution to the wind and take a risk?  Well I'm here to say "Don't do it!!  Step back into your old familiar ways and bask in their comfort and security".  Recently I have been feeling like I was in a rut so I decided to shake things up a bit by going to a new hairdresser.  I had not been overly impressed with where I was going for a while so I thought I would give a local hairdresser closer to home a try.  It wasn't a total disaster.  The cut, while shorter than I had anticipated, I can live with but the maintenance is a pain in the neck.  Having straight hair means I used to be able to get away with washing my hair every second day but short layered hair means I wake up looking like the mayor of crazytown, who has been dragged through a hedge backwards after bumping into an electric fence.  Not a good look.  So I'm having to wash and dry my hair every day just so I don't scare small children.

At least with a hair catastrophe you can wear a hat.  Worse was to come....

My eyebrows were looking a bit woolly and my schedule has been really busy lately so trying to find a slot to book in with the girl who normally does them (who is very popular and hence very busy) was proving difficult.  To hell with it, I thought, I'll try somewhere new.  In the words of Julia Roberts "Big mistake.  Big.  Huge".  Someone needs to invent hats for eyebrows, sharpish.  The right one is looking ok-ish, a bit patchy toward the end but that is normally covered by my hair anyway so not a major drama.  The left one?  An unmitigated disaster.  Not only is it significantly skinnier than the right, it has two really thin parts where she has gone a bit trigger happy with the threading and taken too much away.  I've tried filling in the patchy bits but there is not much I can do about the rest...

Anyone know how long eyebrows take to grow back? 😩 

The never ending story

As a mother's day treat to myself, I bought a voucher to have my house cleaned.  I am skeptical as to how much they will actually get done in the allotted two hours but any cleaning done by someone else is better than me having to do it.  I figured this was a much better present than some smelly bath stuff I will never use.

In anticipation for the cleaning team's arrival, I decided I better clear some of the crap that has accumulated in seemingly every room of the house.  My rationale is that the less time they have to spend moving stuff out of the way, the more time they will have for cleaning.  The irony of the fact that in preparation for me not cleaning, my house is looking it's tidiest in a long time is not lost on me.

Small town living

There are days I bemoan the fact that I live in a small town, with its lack of variety and dearth of new and sparkly things to draw my attention.  Then I spend time in a big city and I am reminded that increased options equal increased stress levels, increased traffic and increased hassle.  This week I have been re-discovering the joys of small town living.  Of leaving the house and arriving at work 15 minutes later having dropped the kids to their school holiday programme en route.  Of spending an hour in town after work and getting tons of little jobs crossed off my to do list.  Of being able to nip into the library and the chemist because there were free parking spots out the front.  Of buying something and the store owner saying "next time you're in let me know how you got on with that".  All small things in and of themselves but added together they make me appreciate the up side of small town living.

Smoke and Mirrors

I realised recently that I am turning into the Dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  Not in a balding, middle aged spread way thankfully.  Remember how he used to recommend using Windex to solve any ailment?  Well it turns out that Aveeno is my Windex.  Itchy bite?  Put some Aveeno on it.  Sore leg?  Put some Aveeno on it.  Scratch on your arm?  Put some Aveeno on it. 

Not sure whether it is the curing power of Aveeno or the power of distraction, but either way as long as it keeps working on the kids, I'm going to stick with the Aveeno.

March Book Review

March was a month of books I picked and books that were picked for me.  Never a bad idea to try something new, it can broaden your horizons and give you an insight into your friends that no facebook quiz or personality test ever will.

A man called Ove - Fredrik Backman
A friend recommended this book and I'm glad she did as having not had a great first experience with this author, I probably wouldn't have read it without a push.  Ove is a grumpy old fecker that you can't help but like.  The number of times I agreed with him on something made me wonder if there is a grumpy old fecker deep down inside of me.

Blood Salt Water - Denise Mina
I've read a few of her books.  They always deliver.

The Children Act - Ian McEwan
This was not a very cheery read, covering topics like marital breakup, family court rulings and the right to choose to refuse medical intervention.  That said, I did enjoy it.  The main character wasn't that endearing at times but the description of her was so vivid I could nearly see her.

Miss Treadway and the field of stars - Miranda Emmerson
This was a book club pick.  Doubt I would have read it otherwise, not that there is anything wrong with it, just have lots of other books I would choose to read first.  It is set in London in the sixties and doesn't shy away from the attitudes of the time to women and immigrants.  It makes me very glad that I was born when I was.  It also made me realise how much I take for granted in terms of things like access to contraception, educational expectations and the right to choose a partner based on who I want to live with and not who society expects me to pick.  I found it plodded a bit in the middle and I wasn't that invested in finding out what happened to the missing character.  

All the bright places - Jennifer Niven
This was recommended by a friend, she had read Holding up the Universe first but apparently this is the author's first book so I started with this.  From quite early on I was getting a distinct "The fault in our stars" vibe from it.  I plodded on but half way though I just wasn't feeling it so skipped to the end to find out what happened.  Even then I didn't care much.  Just started Holding up the Universe and enjoying it much more, so far anyway!   

 

Things they don't tell you in the baby books

I have a new baby nephew who is cuteness personified.  Unfortunately I won't get to meet him in person for another 8 months so Skype will have to suffice till then.  It made me think back to when my kids were babies.  When your children are born you think about what you will pass on to them.  Will they have your eyes or your temperament?  What balls will be picked for them in the genetic lottery?  Then there are other more subtle things you pass on.  The phrases your child repeats back to you.  "No Mammy, that's your responsibility".  "I'm hungry like the wolf".  The urge to make lists and bring order to a messy pantry shelf (though sadly this urge does not lead to bedrooms being tidied).

When you have kids there are physical changes too. I'm not just talking about the mummy tummy or the stretch marks.  I'm talking about the inability to eat greasy foods without being stricken down by indigestion.  The emotions, my god the emotions!  I was never much of a one for crying at sad movies before I had kids.  Afterwards?  I was off at the drop of a hat.  I thought it would settle down once the hormones leveled themselves out but no. I've gotten a bit better at holding it together but anything sad to do with kids or those homecoming videos Aer Lingus like to post around Christmas and I'm gone.  Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

This morning there were optimum conditions for a lie in.  The house was dark, empty and most importantly childless.  The bed was warm, cosy and inviting.  So why in the name of God was I wide awake at 10 to 7 on a weekend morning when most week days I am wrecked and dragging my tired self out of bed?  When you have kids you lose your ability to have a lie in.  Even if you were a deep sleeper before you find yourself sleeping with one ear open, even when they are not in bloody house!  They don't tell you that in the books do they? 

Karma Baby

I am a firm believer in karma.  Be your best self, treat other people as you would like to be treated, it's pretty obvious stuff right?  Today I managed to burn myself twice in one day so I'm wondering what sign the universe is trying to send me.  Pay more attention?  Don't eat so many toasted sandwiches? (burn no. 1 was from the heated tower rail, burn no. 2 was from the toasted sandwich maker).  Here's hoping that whatever I did, I have now paid for it.   

2016 - The year in review

Most people do their review of the previous year in January.  I am not most people*.

Author of the year - I tried to pick a book of the year but it was too hard so I'm going with author of the year instead.  Jonas Jonasson for books that are enjoyable, at times slightly ridiculous but always entertaining.

Food of the year - Bacon.  Nuff said.

Shoes of the year - Croc wedges.  Never having been a fan of the original crocs, I was slow to try their wider range.  Then one day I came across these babies and never looked back.  Comfortable enough to wear every day, smart enough to not look too casual.  I must investigate other options before this pair dies of over use.

Which brings me nicely to...

Nail varnish of the year - Got to be Trophy Wife by Essie both for the colour and the way it makes me smirk when I look at it and think about the name.  Strictly for toes only though.  The search for the perfect neutral colour for my fingers continues.  Any suggestions?

Make up of the year - Anything that comes in crayon form.  Who has time to be faffing around with brushes and blending?  Very sad to hear that my favourite eye crayon from Natio is no more.  Will need to hunt down an alternate sharpish.  Maybe I will splash out on a Clinique chubby stick.  Marian Keyes swears by them. 

Colour of the year - Surprisingly not red.  I wore a lot of green in 2016.  Obviously ahead of the curve as apparently it's the colour of the year for 2017.

Necklace of the year -  A three way tie between a silver Killarney Crystal pendant my friends got me for my 40th, a black sphere of volcanic rock I got in Iceland and a red bubble gum necklace from Cobalt Heights. 

 

 

 

Saying of the year - FFS, usually shortened to f***s sake and muttered under my breath.  Unless I happen to be in the presence of small people when it is replaced with the sanitised "for goodness sake" which is more age appropriate but infinitely less satisfying.

Takeaway of the year - Steamed dumplings with soy sauce, followed swiftly by chips smothered in melted cheese and gravy.  My mouth is watering just thinking about them.  Rotorua Night Market is the place to be on a Thursday evening.

So concludes the random review of the year that was 2016.

*Ok so I did start this in January and then forgot about it but I am a committed member of the better late than never school of thought so here it is at the start of March regardless.

January & February Book Review

Even when life gets in the way (in a good way), the books keep coming.  Here are the books I read in Jan & Feb.  Thankfully I had www.goodreads.com to help me remember.

All the light we cannot see - Anthony Doerr
An enjoyable read.  The story flowed well with the different stories running alongside each other without jarring.  Didn't delve too deeply into the ideology which was good as I preferred the focus on the individual characters.   

Rushing Woman's Syndrome - Dr Libby Weaver
I read this book in stages. Some bits I flew through, others were more of a slog. Despite biology being one of my favourite subjects in school, I found the science parts quite dry so I tended to skim them if I was tired.  It was an interesting read but in hindsight, I should have had a notebook by my side to jot down things I wanted to remember.  Probably one that you would need to keep to refer back to as there is so much information, its impossible to remember it all. 

 

Dear Mr. M - Herman Koch
This was very much a case of disappointing second book (not necessarily the author's second book but the second of his books that I have read). I really enjoyed The Dinner, total page turner, so I was expecting great things but unfortunately this did not deliver. It was very slow moving and the suspense he was trying to build up never really materialised. I struggled to finish it and when I did, I felt like I had wasted my time. Don't waste yours reading this.

 

Hitman Anders and the meaning of it all - Jonas Jonasson
I really like his books.  They are an easy read with a nice pace and enough of a story to counter the at times farcical humour. Only problem is that now I've read all his books. Here's hoping a new one is in the pipeline.

 

The Street - Bernadine Bishop

This was ticking along nicely, not what you would describe as a page turner but not bad enough to discard either.  Then it was as if the author realised she had a deadline to meet so she just flung an ending together and that was it.  I turned the last page and went "what?".  One to avoid unless you like random cobbled together bits stuck in at the last minute.

The Lubetkin Legacy - Marina Lewycka
Another author I am a big fan of.  I started with "A short history of tractors in Ukrainian" which I thoroughly enjoyed and have also read a couple of her other books.  Her books and those of Jonas Jonasson are similar in style so I suppose it stands to reason that I would like them both. 

 

The power of one

I read an interesting article today titled "8 bits of plastic you can quit right now".  Someone had liked it on facebook and it caught my eye so I thought I would have a read.  Some of the things I already do, like carrying fabric bags with me and using a reusable travel mug for my tea.  Other stuff, I could definitely improve upon. 

One thing which when I thought about was pretty silly, it that the toilet paper I buy is wrapped in plastic.  Why wrap toilet paper in plastic when tissues come in a cardboard box?  So I contacted the manufacturers of the toilet roll I buy as they have a commitment to sustainably sourced materials to see if they had any plans to move away from soft plastic wrapping.  Another reason for the email is that my local council recently changed the supplier of their recycling services and they no longer take soft plastics so no plastic wrapping, cling film or plastic bags.  It's only when you are no longer recycling those things that you realise how much of them you go through.  While the answer I got was the usual "thanks for your feedback etc", they did direct me to companies where I can recycle soft plastics.  Bit sad that the corporate sector is the one spearheading a campaign like this rather than the local authority but suppose its better than no one doing it.

The other one that spurred me into action was the bamboo toothbrush.  I had investigated them a while back but never got further than looking at the website so rather than put it on the to do list for another day, I went online and ordered one to try it out.  Will let you know once it arrives if I'm a convert. 

     

Pathetic Fallacy

Back in the days of studying Pride & Prejudice and Emma in English class, the term pathetic fallacy was one that was bandied about on a semi-regular basis.  These days not so much, but this morning it popped into my head, presumably because it was lashing rain outside and I was feeling pretty much like a big grey thundercloud inside. 

Saying goodbye is the crappiest way to start your day.