Enough

I did a two hour restorative yoga class a while back.  It was a great way to wrap up one month and head into another.  The poses are supported taking all the effort out so you get a really good stretch without having to do very much work.  Just what you want on a Sunday afternoon.

Along with the extended holding of poses, there was loads of extra time for relaxation and meditation at the end.  Despite my best intentions, my mind started to wander.  Amongst the random thoughts and things to add to my to do list, came the wishes.  I wish I was more like her, she seems to enjoy being a SAHM, hosting elaborate birthday parties for her kids and posting weekly Insta-worthy #preciousmemories.  I wish I was more like her, she never seems to lack ambition or goals.  I wish I had her ability to chat to people and make friends.  I wish I had her openness and trusting nature.  I wish, I wish, I wish.

Maybe it's time to stop with the wishing.  Maybe it's ok to not have figured out what I want to be when I grow up yet.  Maybe this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.  Comparing myself with other people only ends badly for me so maybe I need to focus on being good enough for me.

Sweaty Betty

I've never seen the appeal of running.  Unless you have a bus to catch or a serial killer to outrun, why would you bother?  When we had just started at school and I didn't know anyone, one of the Mums tried to convince me to join her running group.  At the time I was really lonely and desperate for some adult company but even that couldn't convince me that running is a good idea.  Now walking, that's a whole other kettle of fish.  Whether it’s a brisk trot or a sauntering stroll, I am a fan of a good walk.  You get a bit of exercise without getting all sweaty and you still have enough breath to have a chat.

In a break from my usual low-key exercise choices, I recently started going to Zumba classes.  The search for a new yoga class was proving unfruitful so I thought I would go for something a bit different.  Who knew that a seemingly normal human being could be so uncoordinated!!  I did much better with the music I recognised, as at least if I knew the beat was about to change I could figure out we were going to change sides but with the songs I didn't know, I was constantly two steps behind or waving the wrong arm like a big eejit.  Then I made the fatal mistake of looking in the mirror.  Never look in the mirror.  The mirror is not your friend.  The mirror dispels the illusion that you are sort of keeping up.  It shows you just how red and sweaty you are and confuses you when you try to copy the teacher.  My advice is to stick with watching her feet and hands in real life and focus on breathing through that stitch in your side.  The first few weeks I left a dripping sweaty mess, a situation not helped by the humid weather.  Now that the evenings are getting cooler and dare I say it, my stamina has improved a bit, things are a bit less gross at the end of class. 

How is it that when you are actively looking for something it is nowhere to be found and yet when you have given up, it pops up when you least expect it?  The universe is a tricky trickster sometimes.  Not one but two evening yoga classes appeared in my Facebook feed recently after months of nothing, so I've booked in to a Wednesday night class as I figured exercising two nights in a row would be a bridge too far for a couch potato like me.  Really looking forward to getting back on my mat, though I may need to knock the dust off it first.

The long and winding road

Regardless of how young you may feel, there are certain tell tale signs that you are getting older.  Maybe it's a bit more salt than pepper in your hair, maybe it's a few extra laughter lines round your eyes or pounds round your waist.  Sometimes the signs you are aging are not quite as visible.  Like when the time comes to have your first colonoscopy.  Yes the C word that no-one wants to think about, much less talk about.  Thankfully not a rite of passage that everyone will need to undertake but for those of us that do, it is something that is all too easy to put to the end of the to do list (and we all know that things down the end tend to never actually get done).  Let's face it, there are much more pleasant ways to spend an afternoon.  But rather than die of embarrassment, I made the decision to just get it over and done with and so yesterday I did.       

In my post procedure sedated state I decided that a colonoscopy is a bit like a wedding.  The preparation beforehand is the worst part, on the day itself you get to wear a special gown and when it's all over you are left feeling a bit deflated.

All clear and 5 years till my next recall - result!

You know that check up you keep meaning to book?  That test you need to schedule?  

Put yourself and your health to the top of your to do list and in words borrowed from a wise woman named Mary, JFDI - Just F***ing Do It!

Take the time for yourself

Recently I talked about choosing how best to spend my time with other people.  Lately I am all about taking a bit of time for myself.  Now I'm not going to be ridiculous and imagine that any of us have huge amounts of free time tucked up our sleeves but when I renewed a library book for the second time (meaning I will have had it 6 weeks) and it's not even that long a book, I realised that if I don't make/take the time for myself, no-one is going to hand it to me on a plate. 

So on the odd day that I arrive early to pick up the kids, I sit in the car and read for 5-10 minutes.  I've put a stash of hand cream and nail varnish beside my spot on the couch so while I am watching telly I can try to transform my dry wizened winter hands into something not resembling a witch's.  Note to self, must start wearing gloves.

Yesterday, having realised the tap had been turned to hot and the bath was half full of scalding hot water and therefore not really suitable for children who have a conniption if the temperature exceeds tepid, I decided to lash in some cold water and hop in myself.  Despite having inherited a fancy spa bath when we moved in here, I rarely have a bath.  By the time the kids had finished eating dinner (they are the slowest eaters in the world), I had had a nice soak for myself and was ready to get out so they could jump in.  All 3 of us trying to squeeze into the bath together would not have been remotely relaxing.  As with so many things in life, timing is everything.

Now that I have eventually finished the book, I'm thinking I need to start putting a bit more activity into my day so weather and humour permitting, I'm going to start going for a quick trot round the block while waiting for the bell to ring.  Mostly this is because one of the people I see regularly at pick up time is a particularly active grandma who always goes for a walk rather than waiting around.  Nothing like being shamed into activity!! 

In real life you rarely get a big fat chunk of time for yourself so stake your claim and grab your 10 minutes wherever you can.

Nude Minstrels

Some days it's the little things that have the most impact. 

I've been looking for a nude nail varnish for ages.  I have gazillions of dark varnishes for my toes but it seems like 30 seconds after I put a dark varnish on my fingers it has chipped so I figured it was safer to stick to something more neutral.  Everything I've tried has either been too pale or too peachy or just gick.  I was in a shop looking for a grey scarf (to no avail) when I cruised by the nail varnish section.  Without much hope of success I bought another pale nude looking varnish thinking, hmm this is probably going straight into the charity shop bag but low and behold, I think I might be on to a winner with this one.  It is called "Bride to be" by Essie.

Then a couple of days later when I was looking for a corn fed chicken (which are nigh on impossible to find here), I found Minstrels!!!  Now I appreciate that Minstrels are not normally a cause of great excitement but they don't sell them here and while I was never particularly fond of Galaxy chocolate, I am partial to a bag of Minstrels.  The tag line suggested the bag was the perfect size for sharing but I took that to be optional. 

So the moral of the story seems to be, it's good to have a plan when you go shopping but never discount the fact that you could end up bringing home something completely different.



Choose wisely

Life is busy.  Whether you have kids or not.  Whether you have a job you are paid for or a job where the pay comes in the form of kisses and hugs from your kids.  Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and that there are not enough hours in the day.  There are, you just have to chose wisely how you spend them.  Depending on who you are and what's happening for you right now, choosing wisely may mean spending some time in the kitchen so the freezer is stocked up for the week ahead as you know you have a lot on and won't have time to cook.  It might mean skipping doing a quick tidy and getting an early night instead because there's a bug going round and you feel like it might have your name on it.

For me, last week choosing wisely was spending time with the kids writing crazy made up stories instead of stressing over making dinner.  It was seeing something online that sparked a memory of an old friend and taking the time to write her an email to share that random memory.  Our crazy stories had the kids cracking up laughing and we had bacon sandwiches for dinner (who doesn't love a bacon sandwich?).  I had a lovely message to say my email had brightened my friend's day.

Too often I think "I'll do that later/when I have a chance/tomorrow" but while life is busy, it is also short.  For the most part we can choose how we spend the hours in our day.  Next time you have the chance, choose wisely. 

The battle ground

I love my couch.  Along with my bed, it is one of my favourite places to be.  It is big and comfy and cosy.  You can put your feet up and recline the back.  Just thinking about it makes me smile. 

That familiar lure has taken a sinister turn of late.  Now that winter has truly hit and the nights are getting colder and more relentless, it is proving harder and harder to resist the temptation to ditch yoga class and cosy up on the couch under a blanket.  I have missed the last two weeks but this week, this week I won the battle to get my ass off the couch and go to yoga.  I was exceedingly glad to return said ass to the couch after yoga, making the mental note that while missing two weeks seems fine at the time, it is not so fine the week I actually go back to class.  I fear tomorrow will be a day of shuffling stiffness.  Damn you couch.

Karma Baby

I am a firm believer in karma.  Be your best self, treat other people as you would like to be treated, it's pretty obvious stuff right?  Today I managed to burn myself twice in one day so I'm wondering what sign the universe is trying to send me.  Pay more attention?  Don't eat so many toasted sandwiches? (burn no. 1 was from the heated tower rail, burn no. 2 was from the toasted sandwich maker).  Here's hoping that whatever I did, I have now paid for it.   

Exhale

That moment when you walk into your empty house after 4 days of house guests....